Bjork - Earth Intruders

Diminutive mentalist and Icelandic fishmonger, Bjork, is back after an absence of four years or so, with her new single “Earth Intruders”.

As a youngster, Bjork learnt to play the piano in between gutting fish and sucking the brains from crabs, whilst chasing polar bears across the arctic tundra with an axe. Most of her early life was spent sleeping within the blubber of a carved open whale, bit like when Luke Skywalker survived inside that mad animal in the Empire Strikes Back.

Maybe that’s why Bjork’s as fucked up as fake tits on a zombie.

The song begins with a beat that sounds something like the type of tune you’d find all the apes dancing to on The Jungle Book. But then it goes off in a mad direction with all kinds of synths and effects. I reckon Timbaland (who co-produced), must’ve been getting some new effects on his Casio and he was dying to test every single one of them out. I was just waiting for “gunshot”, “helicopter” and “human voice” to kick in at the end.

When I was getting hold of this single, I read a snippet of a review which described this as tribal music which would unite us all as one global tribe. Having a fucking laugh isn’t he?

Honestly, if Bjork thinks I’m going to have this booming out of my beatbox, whilst I stand in my bedroom, naked, with berry juice smothered on my breasts, banging a spear up and down on the floor and disembowelling my dog, then she’s got another thing coming.

It’s typical Bjork, mentalist lyrics, mentalist music, at times it starts sounding like that Pussycat Dolls one, you know the one where the music has some sort of Egyptian slant on it, purposefully done so that all the hormone wielding pre-pubescents imagine the Pussycat’s singer done up as Cleopatra, getting done up against the side of some grotty little pyramid, and rush out to buy the single, hoping the CD will contain the video so they can pause it till it scratches.

If this is meant to unite us as “one global tribe”, I reckon Bjork needs to realise that they don’t do MP3’s in Ethiopia. Stick your money into buying them some big bags of flour man, Bjork, they don’t need this crap.


You can buy it via download now, and buy the CD on May 21st.