Rihanna - Shut Up and Drive

Fresh from ruining the summer with "Umbrella", the "Bike From Barbados" has got a new single out, full of suggestive retort and innuendo based content.

The story allegedly goes, that Jay-Z locked her in a room and wouldn't let her leave until she'd signed a record deal. Personally, I reckon Rihanna may have signed a bit of a confidentiality agreement on that one. You've got a desperate slut in one corner, determined to get a record deal, and in the other corner, you've got a millionaire mogul with a cock like a role of bin liners. Aye, he locked you in until you signed, he was that desperate to sign you. Clearly he grafted the arse off her and gained penetration through the offer of the contract, again, allegedly. Carrot and stick isn't it?

The new single uses incredibly talented writing skills to offer up the use of a car as some form of sexual metaphor. I'm amazed with the skill and craft that they have done so. The song basically makes Rihanna look like even more of a slut. But teen-slut does sell, so maybe that makes it OK.

The first verse goes something like this.....

"I've been looking for a driver who's qualified
So if you think that you're the one step into my ride
I'm a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine
With a sunroof top and a gangster lean"

My interpretation of this is......

"I want someone who knows what he's doing with his cock
If you've had numerous sexual partners you can put your bits inside me
I can go like a sewing machine
(Some American jive that probably has something to do with spunk)"

And so it goes on, appalling really. I'm presuming the title refers to Rihanna wanting a good hard shag and disposing of the frivolities of foreplay. I'm disappointed that the song doesn't include some of the more obvious crap lines, such as...

"She can suck on my handbrake"
"She can waggle my gearstick"
"She can back onto this"
"I wouldn't mind pumping her petrol"
"Wouldn't mind having a look in her glove compartment"
"She can go for a ride with me"
"She can polish my rim"

Etc. Etc. Etc. All equally as crap as Rihanna's songwriters.

It's all in the same category as any suggestive shite Spears peddled and the same sort of crap as the Furtado's "Maneater". Very poor indeed, but great for paedophiles to see young kids dancing to at school discos, unbeknownst that they're dancing and gyrating away to a slag anthem.

The single is out on the 3rd of September and will no doubt go to number one. View the video here..........

Richard Hawley - Lady's Bridge (Mute), Published in NARC. #17

At last, Richard Hawley is back, man of the people, with a new album, the follow up to the critically acclaimed Coles Corner. The new album, Lady’s Bridge, takes its name from the oldest bridge to cross the river Don, continuing Hawley’s theme of Sheffield landmarks in his music. Where Coles Corner had been a place for young lovers to meet, Lady’s Bridge represents what Hawley describes as, “a gateway from the poor bit of town to the rich bit”.

Hawley is unashamed of his working class roots, wearing his influences and heart on his sleeve. Last year, I remember imagining the newspaper headlines of “Sheffield man robbed by four youths”. This wasn’t the description of a mugging in the “poor bit of town” though; this was the Arctic Monkeys victory over Hawley in the Mercury Music Prize. Dusting himself off from defeat, the former Longpigs and Pulp man has managed to create another wondrous spectacle.

Tonight The Streets Are Ours is the first single from the album, and easily the best choice. The perfect arrangement and orchestration, making me want to fall in love and run hand in hand through Sheffield without a care in the world, even if I am missing the point of the song. This is when Hawley is at his best, the melody of a northern Burt Bacharach, singing away like a South Yorkshire Sinatra, with what could be the cast of a musical backing him up, chiming away like a Christmas anthem with a dark under current. Believe it or not, the song is actually inspired by a programme that Hawley watched about ASBO’s.

We also have the familiar ballads that we’ve come to love from Hawley. Valentine and Roll River Roll could ring true and find their home in a tiny cramped working mans club, just as much as they could when echoing around a giant theatre. In parts Bobby Darin, in others it’s Scott Walker, he paints pictures and tells fairytales from a morose, northern story book.

Elsewhere, with Serious and I’m Looking For Someone To Love Me, the music is more up tempo. Trawling through his influences from the past, the songs remind me of being a kid and listening to my Dad’s Buddy Holly and Eddie Cochrane cassettes, with a little bit of Roy Orbison and Johnny Cash thrown in for good measure. It’s all about the purity and innocence of oversized guitars in the 50’s with giant brass Bigbsy’s leading the way.

I get lost in Hawley’s world with every listen, I’ve never been to Sheffield, but that doesn’t seem to matter. Everything seems to make sense and seems to fall into place. I can see men walking home from the steelworks through the puddles of the slums, women with beehives running back to meet their husbands, clutching their fish and chips under one arm and their baby under the other.

Behind the melody and beautiful production, we have gritty social realism, as the album stands up and shouts out loud from the rooftops of Sheffield about pride and a sense of belonging. It’s safe to say that we have something very special indeed with Richard Hawley. This is without doubt, my favourite album so far this year.

Released: 20th August, 2007


NARC. is currently available in all good record shops, pubs, practice rooms etc. etc. View more information on NARC. magazine, including outlets, at their MySpace, and at their website.