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Psapp - Tiger, My Friend (Domino), Published in NARC. #19

Domino have gone and re-issued Psapp’s 2004 effort Tiger, My Friend, so for those that missed it first time around, here’s a second chance to bask in the soft, mellow electronica of London’s Carim Clasmann and Galia Durant.

You’ll find all kinds of noises on this album, from rubber ducks squeaking and toy guitars, to computers beeping and finger pianos, with gentle and innocent vocals floating along the top of the sea of music. Psapp are famed for making music from all kinds of toys and toy instruments, so on every listen, you’re still picking out different sounds that you didn’t hear the last time and trying to place what exactly it is you can hear.

The album opens with the noises from a street, quickly followed up by Rear Moth, which sweeps along with what I can only imagine is a stuffed monkey toy in a waistcoat, with cymbals, proudly marching alongside the song with a giant grin on his face.

Next up, the mood changes, with the beautifully forlorn Leaving In Coffins. A song about forsaken love and friends with “Now all the things I hold dear to me are falling off in pieces”, Durant literally breaking her heart with her delivery. Meanwhile, on Calm Down, we have the type of music you’d find rotating in the carousel of a cot, whilst with the next song, Velvet Pony, it’s all about the wondrous noise you might find when dusting off and opening a music box that breaks through the cobwebs to show a twirling ballerina.

About Fun introduces us to Psapp’s cat obsession, with squeaking toys and feline sound effects strutting along for a day out to the park or the zoo and wanting “a bowl of cold milk, a different point of view, let's have a bite of raw meat”. Then Curuncula, my favourite song on the album, starts off with a clicking beat and a folk guitar, telling the tale of a couple stumbling and faking their way through their lives, with the simple, but frankly stark and truthful chorus of “we have only ourselves, only ourselves to blame”.

And so it carries on with the break up of King Kong, Durant stating emphatically, “one of us is leaving and it won’t be me”. The album is very much, in their own words, an album all about insecurity, loneliness and disappointment. Fortunately though, the vocals are so sincere and sweet, the music so challenging and inventive, that you’re left far from wanting to top yourself, despite the recurring themes. Instead, you’re left to listen again and again, delving deeper and deeper into the sounds, the lyrics, and the meaning and significance of it all.

Usually I associate the noise of clinking bottles, squeaky toys and squealing cats with some sort of adventure that my dog might be bumbling through in her sleep, but this time it’s an adventure all of my own. Tiger, My Friend is a great piece of work, definitely worth your time and money.

4/5



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X Factor

Well, with X Factor's live finals starting on Saturday and taking over our screens from then until Christmas, I thought it'd be a great time to have a look at the lucky twelve who've made the final and their chances of winning.

We'll start with Simon's groups....

Hope

This is the girl band who think they're the next Spice Girls. They were originally just in the competition as solo artists, but now they've formed as a band. We've got the arrogant pig main singer, who thinks she's her out of the Pussycat Dolls as well as all other looks catered for with the rest of the girls. If they were Spice Girls, I reckon they'd be "Token Black Spice", "Arrogant Pig Dog Spice", "Blonde Who'll End Up Getting Fucked Off Jude Law Spice", "Illegitimate Mackem Child Spice", and "The One Whose Been Randomly Added In To Make Them Five Spice". They are massive contenders to win I reckon.

Same Difference

This is the creepy brother and sister who look like they may well be a little bit more than just siblings. Prepare for really uncomfortable viewing and incestuous looks into each others eyes. Absolutely no chance of winning.

Futureproof

This is the arrogant set of lads that you get on all of these shows. By now, they'll have realised that one or two out of the five are better singers than the others, so the songs will be based around two main singes and the other three doing lame backing vocals. Look forward to the ballads where they'll be wearing suits, sitting on tall chairs, and then they'll stand up and have one hand on their heart as they walk towards the front of the stage on the key change or for the final chorus. Could get into the last 3-4.

Now Sharon's lot.....

Kimberley

This is the lass who is irritatingly "bubbly", looking as if she's got Downs, she may well get a few votes to keep her in because she hasn't got your standard pop star look. Good singer actually like, pity she looks like a mong. If it was judged on singing alone, she'd do really well, but I can see a proper heartbreaking exit when it comes down to her and somebody else, and even though her performance on the night will have been better, she'll get kicked out because she isn't as good looking as the other one.

Emily

Cue sob story and sympathy vote. This is the crack, she died, then came back to life, then decided she had to sing. Look forward to video clips before she sings of her saying things like "When I died, I realised you only get one chance at life", "I realised I have to live for today", "I realised life wasn't a rehearsal", "I owe it to myself and my family". Etc. etc. May well do alright actually, she's a good singer and has a bit of humility about her, despite going on about being dead all of the time.

Alisha

One to look out for this one like. She's the out there one and the fashionable one. She's good as well, but this is the one who'll make a proper shock exit because everyone will think she's safe. One week she'll end up going up against somebody really strong and will lose out. Or she could get lucky and still be there in the last few weeks.

Danii's group.........

Andy

Stereotypical handsome one. Can sing, but guaranteed to hit a few bum notes throughout the series. Louis will continue to put him through and praise him because he fancies the pants off him. He's probably already been down on cosmetically enhanced Danii and he will always get the female vote. Arrogant smug cunt as far as I'm concerned, but I wouldn't be surprised if he made the final.

Leon

Seems a nice enough lad actually, could well be the Ray Quinn of this year. Expect plenty of tears and shock that he makes it through each week. Won't win it, but will mention his mother every week without a doubt and start crying when saying "Am doing this for me mum".

Rhydian

Public enemy number one. He'll continue to get lucky as fuck and get through week after week. Total one trick pony, will try and do various operatic renditions of modern classics, see G4 and Il Divo (sp?). I can't fucking stand this cunt. Sharon hates him as well, but one week she'll say he was good and the audience will go mental. Get him out as soon as possible I say, his head can't swell any further, horrible fucking bell end.

And finally, Mr Walsh's lot.......

Niki

Her Dad died. You wouldn't know it like, she only goes on about it every two fucking seconds. "I'm doing this for my Dad", "I think he'll be proud of me", "I know he'll be looking down on me now". Look pet, fair play, your Dad died, but get over it. We're sick to death of hearing about it. Sick to death of hearing that you went through his papers when he died and found the X Factor application form, sick to death of hearing you going on and fucking on about it. She's blagged into the final with the sympathy vote alone and she'll continue to do it. At several points throughout, she'll start crying and going on about her dead Dad, Louis will say something like "Your Dad will have been proud of you" and she'll cry again. Honest to God man, just dig the cunt up and put his body in the audience so he can be there and we can finally put this to bed. Annoying bitch, she won't win, no chance at all.

Beverley

Big black mama. Expect more tears. Absolutely no chance of winning. Another one there to make the numbers up. She'll go on about the kids from the school she works at, how she's doing it for them. Aye, you aren't doing it for yourself like are you? Pathetic, no hoper.

Daniel

The only one in Louis' group who has a chance. Again, female votes will keep him in. he'll play the sympathy card by mentioning his 3 year old son. Has the pedigree to perform under pressure and used to have a recording deal. Could well be a dark horse.


So that's that. If I get really bored, I might do a report on each show. So I reckon it's between Hope, Daniel, Andy and maybe Kimberley.

Q Award Winners

The results are in from the thinking music-man's mag awards. Such a shame that Q has went from being one of the most respected pillars of British rock journalism, to stinking of corporate cock and jumping on the fashionista band wagon.

Best New Act winners were them absolutely horrible, tuneless charver cunts from Coventry, The Enemy. With their stupid vocal style and gash lyrics, it makes me physically sick that they should be heralded as what we have to look forward to more of in the future. And with Breakthrough Artist going to pop trench, Kate Nash, is there really any surprise why I'm losing all respect for Q?

Massive unpredictability points go to Q for the Arctic Monkeys being voted best band in the world. Fuck off.

They've also decided to give out several awards for more or less the same category. I'm clueless as to what the fuck this is all about. Did they literally have to create all of the different categories this morning, because the arrogant rock stars were threatening not to come if they didn't win anything? Check these awards out:

Q Lifetime Achievement
The Q Merit Award
The Q Hero
The Q Legend
The Q Inspiration Award
The Q Idol
The Q Icon.

Honest to God, I feel like chopping my cock off and putting it through the mincer. Yet again Sir Macca, horrible fucking cunt that he is, gets an award for the sake of it, just to boost his ego a little more, because he really needs it. The horrible patronising wig wearing prick. He's Q Icon. I can just see him getting the award. If he was there, he'd skip up to the stage, do a peace sign with one hand and thumbs up with the other, then rave on about how he loves the Arctic Monkeys. If he was unable to be there, a VT would come on the big screen, of him with his mop top wig on, sitting by a fire or a giant gold plated bust of himself, doing a peace sign with one hand and thumbs up with the other. Horrible cunt. Why don't you just fucking die?

Anyway, bit bile out there, back to the awards. Smack hag Winehouse picked up best album. Admittedly, she has got an amazing voice, but we could do without the tabloid soap opera every day. And the only other one worth mentioning is Billy Bragg, who got Q Classic Songwriter. Maybe the only one I completely agree with. Put aside all of the left wing lyrics and socialist commentary, and Bragg certainly is one of the finest lyricists of our generation. Too many associate him with his political songs, which are pretty amazing, but Bragg is also a songwriter who can write the most amazing and real love songs, as well as songs that almost make me cry every time I hear them, like "Tank Park Salute".

A big salute to you, Mr Bragg, and a big fuck you to Q.

The Temple of Oofus Mosh

The first ever album I had, which was completely mine, was a cassette version of Iron Maiden's "Powerslave". I went through a bit of a metal phase when I was about 8-9 years old. I remember turning out to a school disco with my tragic mullet, combed through with glitter gel, headbanging to some song where headbanging was completely inappropriate.

I remember waking up in the morning with a stiff neck from all the metal action, glitter all over my pillow like I'd been sleeping with a drag queen, and the smell of boiled onions from the hotdog stand staining my 80's locks. Every single time I smell boiled onions, it takes me back to that school disco, to the glitter gel, and to the DJ with his mobile disco and four halogen lights inducing fits across the dancefloor.

It also takes me back to the even more tragic band I formed with one of my mates, and another lad who wanted to be in the band. He wasn't officially in, but we'd say he could be in, if he would do outlandish dares for our amusement. Kids are cunts, aren't they? We had him drinking a Panda pop bottle full of muddy rain water from where the fields had been waterlogged, and he did it, just to be in our band. I also remember another time when he ate a piece of my shit because he thought it was a Malteser. Absolutely shocking, I agree.

Around about the same time as us going through our metal phase, the Beastie Boys appeared on the scene. For anybody who doesn't remember, or wasn't around, this marked sensationalist stories in the papers and widespread car crime. Across the country, owners of Volkswagen's were reporting their VW badges missing, drivers were tying their VW signs on to the car grills, to stop Beastie Boys fans from stealing them to make necklaces. Other stories reported the Beasties visiting hospitals full of mentally ill children, with the Beasties poking fun at them and spitting at them. I had new heroes.

And so our band formed. We had one song. Although we had no music at all, it was basically a combination of rap and metal. It was called "The Temple of Oofus Mosh". I can't remember any of the lyrics, apart from the last line of the chorus, "We go to the Temple of Oofus Mosh". Fuck knows what it was all about.

Throughout the months leading up to the school disco, I'd go round to my mates house to practice our masterpiece. Practice involved sitting in his front room with a load of crisps and taking time out from rehearsals to play with his He-Man figures. I always had the one you could fill up with water and press his head down to make him spit at his enemies. Rehearsals consisted of me holding his sisters hairbrush and him holding the remote control, and the pair of us jumping up and down on his settee, pretending we could rap. If the other lad came along, who desperately wanted to be in our band, we'd give him a banana for a microphone and laugh at him. We both had lyric sheets, but the other lad didn't, so again this gave us lots of amusement. Again, absolutely shocking.

Eventually, the lad who wanted to be in our band was barred from coming round for band practice. It's sort of my fault as well. One day, I'd arrived round at practice and there wasn't anybody in. I trailed all of the way around, only to find nobody in. Believe it or not, I was just as bitter at 9 years old as I am now. I decided to wipe snot all over the front doorbell, then preceded to go to the back of his house and curl a massive shit out on his back doorstep. Needless to say, the lad who wanted to be in our band got the blame for both the snot and the turd. I think he was grounded by his own mother as well after receiving a phone call from a justifiably angry parent.

So the school disco night finally came. It had already been organised with the headmaster, that we would get on the microphones and do our rap. Thank fuckfully, it never did happen. And instead, we headbanged the night away to Rick Astley and the Pet Shop Boys.

A shortwhile later, after I embarked on a new phase, and had a band called "The S.S. Sloppy", I put sellotape over the tabs of my Iron Maiden "Powerslave" album and taped total and utter shite off the radio when the top 40 was on, being ever so careful to make sure I stopped the tape just in time from the DJ talking.

Whenever I hear Iron Maiden's "2 Minutes To Midnight", or "Aces High", it takes me right back to the smell of boiled onions, to glitter gel, to curling out turds on doorsteps.

Happy, heady days indeed.



Here's a bit of "Powerslave", I'll do my first bits of vinyl soon.........

I Love Black Kids

Further to previous correspondence, my new favourite band have been getting a favourable write up over at Pitchfork.

Their Wizard of Ahhhs EP has been getting a respectable 8.4 out of 10 from the Pitchfork journo's. You can download the full EP from their MySpace and view their Pitchfork write up here.

Hopefully it won't be too much longer before they're snapped up and I have a full album to listen to, instead of having the demo on constant repeat on my iPod. I actually woke up at 4 in the morning today with "Hit The Heartbrakes" whirring round and round my head at a million miles an hour. That type of thing hasn't happened to me for about 12 years and that is why I am so fucking excited about this band.

Please, get this band in your life.

The Laundry Shop

These folk won't just do your washing for you and get wine stains out of your favourite white shirt, they'll also play you music synonymous with 90's alternative rock whilst looking fuck all like Pauline Fowler or Dot Cotton.

A bit like Elliott Smith fronting Siamese Dream-era Smashing Pumpkins, the Dublin threesome certainly know how to make a big noise. Inevitably, the band will get all kinds of shite quips and poor puns in reference to their name, but regardless of that, they certainly sound the part and with a singer who looks like he could've been in Sonic Youth, a lovely lady on bass and a drummer who looks like Les from Vic Reeves Big Night Out, they certainly look the part too.

And, apart from girls in hats, is there anything sexier than girls with guitars these days? I think not. The band are getting compared with the likes of the Pumpkins, Pixies, Garbage, Sonic Youth and Weezer, so that can't really be bad can it?

So get yourself over to the MySpace and have a little listen to the wonderful "Stranger In The Headlights", "Highs and Lows" and my favourite song, "Say Goodnight...."(MySpace cuts off the title so I don't know the full name, let me know).

And that's that.