Q Award Winners

The results are in from the thinking music-man's mag awards. Such a shame that Q has went from being one of the most respected pillars of British rock journalism, to stinking of corporate cock and jumping on the fashionista band wagon.

Best New Act winners were them absolutely horrible, tuneless charver cunts from Coventry, The Enemy. With their stupid vocal style and gash lyrics, it makes me physically sick that they should be heralded as what we have to look forward to more of in the future. And with Breakthrough Artist going to pop trench, Kate Nash, is there really any surprise why I'm losing all respect for Q?

Massive unpredictability points go to Q for the Arctic Monkeys being voted best band in the world. Fuck off.

They've also decided to give out several awards for more or less the same category. I'm clueless as to what the fuck this is all about. Did they literally have to create all of the different categories this morning, because the arrogant rock stars were threatening not to come if they didn't win anything? Check these awards out:

Q Lifetime Achievement
The Q Merit Award
The Q Hero
The Q Legend
The Q Inspiration Award
The Q Idol
The Q Icon.

Honest to God, I feel like chopping my cock off and putting it through the mincer. Yet again Sir Macca, horrible fucking cunt that he is, gets an award for the sake of it, just to boost his ego a little more, because he really needs it. The horrible patronising wig wearing prick. He's Q Icon. I can just see him getting the award. If he was there, he'd skip up to the stage, do a peace sign with one hand and thumbs up with the other, then rave on about how he loves the Arctic Monkeys. If he was unable to be there, a VT would come on the big screen, of him with his mop top wig on, sitting by a fire or a giant gold plated bust of himself, doing a peace sign with one hand and thumbs up with the other. Horrible cunt. Why don't you just fucking die?

Anyway, bit bile out there, back to the awards. Smack hag Winehouse picked up best album. Admittedly, she has got an amazing voice, but we could do without the tabloid soap opera every day. And the only other one worth mentioning is Billy Bragg, who got Q Classic Songwriter. Maybe the only one I completely agree with. Put aside all of the left wing lyrics and socialist commentary, and Bragg certainly is one of the finest lyricists of our generation. Too many associate him with his political songs, which are pretty amazing, but Bragg is also a songwriter who can write the most amazing and real love songs, as well as songs that almost make me cry every time I hear them, like "Tank Park Salute".

A big salute to you, Mr Bragg, and a big fuck you to Q.