The Life and Times of Christopher Aguilera

It's always been tough for Aguilera. Growing up as the only boy in a small New York family, he took to dressing as a woman at an early age. Yearning for acceptance, he'd put his cock and balls between his legs, lifting up his cheerleading outfit and shouting to the coach of the football team, "suck my fadge!", a phrase which would later haunt him.

As time went by, young Christopher would force his mother to call him Christina. Many botched self attempts at penectomies were carried out in his schools science labs, with the sharp point of a compass and rough edge of a protractor leaving vile and crude scars across his scrotum. Finally, Christopher managed to save enough money up from dressing as a girl and performing fellatio for a nickel at the local psychiatric hospital. The money raised and the blowjobs performed, allowed Christopher to purchase a flight to Thailand and consequently the penectomy he'd hoped for his whole life.

On arrival in Thailand, Christopher was met by a small doctor with a glass eye, much like Charles Dance from "The Last Action Hero". The doctor was able to perform a successful operation on Christopher, and so finally he could become Christina.

With his new found confidence, Christopher returned to New York, where he pestered record executives with indecent text messages and fax messages penned out in the blood from his penis that he kept in a leopard skin purse. And so he returned to the dark days of his past, sending a message to the boss of RCA Records saying "lick my twat". The return to those demon days was complete when he daubed the side of a Walt Disney van with the words "shoot your muck on my foul disfigured Frankenstein gash". However, by some stroke of luck, and completely unbeknownst to Christopher, one of the head bosses at Walt Disney was a paedophile, who liked the cut of Christopher's jib. He was soon signed up to appear in seasons 6-7 of The Mickey Mouse Club, where he again carried out his love of dressing as a woman.

His career soon progressed and he soon afforded the right and the acceptance within the industry to officially change his name to Christina. Many more blowjobs and trading of venereal diseases would help to catapult him to the top of the charts, and buy himself the prettiest dresses and the most outrageous of wigs.

Christopher now lives with another man and has taken to wearing a false stomach, filled with chop liver and egg whites, to make himself feel and look pregnant. His mental problems do still continue, but it hasn't stopped him from being one of the most fantastic performers of recent times. His hard work and enthusiasm is a shining example to us all.