Cunning Stunt

The entrance of Stuart has had the desired effect on the house, as predicted earlier. Already, Dale has been getting paranoid about having to go up against him for Jennifer's affection, and has been clinging on to his testicles as hard as possible and crying about how much he loves her - sad bastard. Meanwhile, Stuart (having been warned by Sylvia) has picked up on Mohamed and Rex's paranoia about him, and has the full intention of winding them up a bit.

It's became clear within the first 24 hours of his entrance, that Sylvia and Dennis do actually know the new weird eye cunt. Sylvia was caught talking to Jennifer saying "I'm in trouble" and saying she'll not be able to help herself. It's already clear that Stuart, Sylvia and Dennis know each other from the selection process, but they aren't allowed to discuss that. But, what I found out last night, is that they don't just go through the auditions, they also put groups of people in test houses together, film them and see how they react. It's quite clear by Sylvia's bed hopping that she's been with Stuart before. I've got a good feeling that he's fucked her already and now her boyfriend's going to find out. Her bed behaviour was a little too blatant and familiar, but he didn't seem to want to know, as if he's already emptied his sack in her and doesn't want any seconds.

Keep an eye on this one, as they'll definitely have a bit more action when the drink starts flowing. Clearly they have previous history.

Enter Stuart

A new housemate entered the house last night and replaced the cunt. He's called Stuart, he's an arrogant model and father of a small girl. He's everything that Dale has promised to be, but failed to be.

There's no two ways about it, this cat is going to be doing some humping. As soon as he walked in the door, Dale the Alpha male started cocking his leg and pissing all over the furniture to mark his territory as the new predator, who permanently looks like he's wearing mascara the weird eye cunt, surveyed the room stealthily, looking for flange and flesh.

Jennifer and Sylvia's eyes lit up like Belisha beacons and suddenly became moist. Jennifer realising that Dale is too much of a girls blouse and she wants a real man to treat her like shit, use her and violate her, whilst Sylvia soon forgot all about her "I've got a boyfriend, innit" bullshit and quickly gave Stuart a tour of the room, complete with nervous dancing and smiling.

Dennis thought his luck may well be in, thinking he was going to get some ass action, patrolling around Stuart like a vulture, getting ready to pick at his bones and go in for the kill. But regrettably for Dennis, Stuart likes to be asked if he is gay but doesn't love the cock.

It's fair to say that love rat Stuart has caused a bit of a stir. No two ways about it, the male side of the house will have a few problems with him coming in and getting all of the female attention. Whilst the women will compete for his attention. Clearly Jennifer has to decide on the choice of pissing around with Dale or getting some Stuart action, but in all fairness I think she's had her fun with Dale now, in the same way that a cat plays around with a dead bird. That's what you are, Dale. You're a dead fucking bird. You're a tiny little decapitated sparrow with your chest removed. Dale's behaviour will now get even more pathetic now as he tries to claim Jennifer for his own, metaphorically pulling at her pigtails, and making himself even more of a sad and pathetic loser.

It'll be interesting to see if there's any conflict between Sylvia and Jennifer now, as they both blatantly want cock. However, Sylvia has a boyfriend, which she was so adamant to point out when avoiding Mohamed the shoe bomber's advances. And Jennifer is already sort of with Dale, as far as Sylvia can see. So will they fight over him, or will they just have a threesome?

Either way, Stuart is just the type of cad that the house needs to stir things up. I hate him already, which is brilliant. Give it a week and he'll have Sylvia or Jennifer bent over the ashtray with their knickers pulled to the side, whilst Dennis pulls himself off in the jail, just wait and see.

Pop a Cap In Yo' White Ass

Below is a transcript from the conversation that cunt had with Darnell, which resulted in her removal from the Big Brother house:

" Darnell: Sylvia is keeping it real, said if it had been me, I'd have thrown water over somebody.

Alex: I'm not throwing water at anyone. It's bigger than that. This is three months, do you know what I mean? Three months in a house.

Everyone's got to come outside the house. Personal offence is never forgotten, do you know what I mean? We're just inside the house.

I've got a very, very, very, very, very strong team outside the house, strong, so solid, strong. I look forward to whatever the result.

If I get out first, I get out, make the plans. Everyone's got to come out after that. Every single one of you come out afterwards, remember I told you. Like I say, my team is strong, so strong.

Alex: I just can't wait to see my mans [sic] and them and see what their plans are, who they got...I'm not talking about those mans, I'm talking about my gangster friends.

Darnell: Collabos.

Alex: They got some instructions to follow out.

Darnell: That's what I mean...I've never seen anything like this, the people in here aren't real. It's like that movie shit, like movie people in here.

Alex: If you go, you get to make all the plans that you wanna make. When you're in here you can't do certain things. In my life I'm used to doing certain things.

You know people piss me off and I do something, like. I can't actually do that while I'm here. But like I say, I get to go out, see everyone's friends, I get to see their family. I get to do the shit that I wanna do. Pow, pow, pow." "

Taken from http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7462935.stm

Threatening to get people shot because they voted her out is quality like. What a horrible delusional cunt. How very "Muslim" of you. After giving Mohamed a world of shit for dressing as a woman for his birthday, it still amazes me how she considers herself to be a good Muslim. Drinking, smoking, swearing, bullying, violent threats, spitting a kid out when you're 15, I'm sure these are all admirable qualities and you're serving your Muslim community so very well. You horrible fucking trench.

The Cunt Is Gone

Alex "The Cunt" De-Gale has been removed from the house for repeatedly breaking rules on conduct and behaviour after yet another argument with a housemate.

Let's hope that she doesn't get to make a single penny out of the experience, the horrible vile cunt.

The official Big Brother website reports:

" Contestant Alexandra De-Gale has been removed from the Big Brother House for repeatedly breaking the programme's rules on conduct by behaving in an unacceptable and sometimes intimidating manner towards fellow housemates.


Alex was in discussion with Darnell in the living room shortly after 10.15pm yesterday evening (17th June), with a number of other housemates in proximity.

Discussing her nomination for this week's eviction, Alex was heard to make apparently intimidatory comments about her intentions on leaving the House. Shortly afterwards, Dennis, Rebecca and Rex discussed her comments in the garden and were clear that they found her behaviour to be threatening, a view that Rex repeated subsequently during a Diary Room discussion with Big Brother.

This incident follows a series of arguments involving Alex since the ninth series of Big Brother started on 5th June. She has twice been called to the diary room and reminded of the rules governing behaviour towards other housemates.

There has been a strong negative reaction from viewers to Alex's behaviour with Channel 4 having received a significant number of comments since launch.

Her latest remarks were not screened via the 'as live' streaming on E4 but were reported up to senior production staff. In consultation with executives at Channel 4 the decision was taken to remove Alex from the house on the grounds that she had repeatedly broken the programme's rules governing housemate behaviour, despite twice being reminded of her responsibilities.

Alex was called to the Diary Room at approximately 6pm on Wednesday 18th June to be informed of the decision and was removed from the House without further contact with other contestants. The remaining housemates were informed of Big Brother's decision at approximately 8pm.

Alex was one of two housemates nominated for eviction this week and as a result, in line with the terms and conditions covering phone voting on Big Brother, the latest eviction vote has been suspended.

Angela Jain, Head of E4 and Big Brother at Channel 4, said: "Alex has said her comments were not intended seriously and has apologised, but those comments will be widely interpreted as having been intended to intimidate. Big Brother has very clear rules about housemates conduct and that kind of behaviour is simply not acceptable.

Other housemates have said they found her comments to be threatening and we believe that is a reasonable conclusion for them to have reached given the way Alex has behaved previously. She had already been spoken to twice about her behaviour and, like all housemates, was clearly informed before entering the house that she faced eviction if she acted in an unacceptable manner." "


Taken from here.

Cunt Reprieve

The voting for this weeks eviction has been cancelled according to the Little Brother and Big Brother folk. No information as to why, but obviously the cunt is going to get another week now.

Bollocks.

It's all probably something to do with every single phone vote these days being completely rigged and it follows on from the controversy of last weeks vote, where it was alleged that problems with the voting could lead to Stephanie re-entering the house.

Producers are currently tight-lipped, probably in an office somewhere, supping Starbucks and wondering what lie they can peddle to try and turn around a blatantly ridiculous situation.

Mind you, the Press Association have their own theory which is:

"The announcement also follows speculation that housemate Jennifer Clark might have to quit the show to appear in court.

The young mother has been ordered by a court to explain why she did not attend a hearing involving the breakdown of her marriage, according to reports. Clark, 22, missed the case to appear on the Channel 4 show.

If she did leave there would be no need for an eviction this week."


Full article here.

Stroke Victim and Cunt

Alex and Mario are up for eviction on Friday, as was widely expected. How big headed is Mario going to get when he survives eviction for a second time and the housemates all start believing the hype about his fan club and popularity? Unless the producers paint Mario very badly this week and Alex behaves, then the stroke victim might be leaving,

How Are They Getting On?

After 12 days or so, I thought that it might be a good time to give an unbiased and intelligent overview of how each of the housemates is coping with life in the house. This will involve giving a fair and thoughtful assessment of their character.

We may as well go through them in the order that they entered the house, so we've got swingers Mario and Lisa first. It's actually become quite creepy watching how Lisa crawls around sniffing the shit from Mario's arse, teasing his turtles heads with a curious finger and licking her digits as if she's ran out of biscuits on a chocolate dip. The transvestite bodybuilder is besotted with Mario and seems to be under some form of spell. He's like a fucking warlock, he's even got the blind twat in his pocket. Whilst many of the housemates dislike him, Lisa and Mikey are like Branch Davidians to Mario's David Koresh. He'll be trying to arse maul Mikey next and trying to convince him he'll be able to carry his child. Watch out for the FBI storming the house in week 9 and burning all of the housemates to death.

One dimensional virgin, Luke, was next. The girls say, "Ooh he's so nice", "Ooh he's so funny", whatever. Would you fuck him? No. He's basically tarnished for his whole life with being some sort of sitcom character from the 70's which it isn't fashionable to be again, yet. Once we come full circle and the BBC brings back situation comedy that involves overt racism and ill-thought out innuendo, then we'll let you speak up Luke and you'll get all the fanny you desire. However, I don't think it'll ever happen. He doesn't drink, swear or smoke, what a boring twat. How can you deprive yourself of some of the best things about being alive? I'd spike the fucker if I was in there, wait till he wasn't looking and spike his meals and drinks with loads of cheap Mitsy's, then sit back and watch him go absolutely mental to the point where he's sobbing his heart out and trying to crawl down a crack in the settee, whilst I stand there laughing and throwing slices of bread off his stupid pea head.

Rachel was the next housemate, and what a boring balding mong. She falls into the category of one of those lasses that I can't stand at all. You all know the type, 18-24 age bracket, one horrifically bland boyfriend their whole life, who they talk about full time at work and refer to him by his Christian name only as if you know them. She'll go on as if she's in her 50's even though she's only 24, talking to the menopausal hags at the coffee machine about the shite grown up telly that was on the night before, going on and on about how horrifically bland her weekend was, and the simple fact is that she's spent her whole life with this one horrifically bland boyfriend and hasn't ever been fucked properly. Lots of these types escape the hum-drum and learn a couple of other positions off a new boyfriend, but many are destined to be married by the age of 21 in a marriage that will become largely loveless by the time they're in their 40's, and the focal point of their relationship will be the children they spawned when they were 23, which has since left the marriage sexless and stagnant. She'll hate her body, her arse, her baggy wizards sleeve of a twat, her stretch marks and he'll try and rectify his self hatred by buying a sports car. He'll probably start getting sucked off by his secretary if he's daring enough. Yes, I think that's a fair assessment of Rachel.

DJ and pretty boy with not much to offer, Dale, came next. I honestly despair for this lad. I honestly thought he would go in and nail everyone in sight, be a total chauvinist pig but bang the arse of everyone that's in there whilst looking at himself in the mirror and flexing his guns Patrick Bateman stylee. It turns out that he's went in there, full of testosterone and a giant cock waiting to be grafted, but lost it all by falling in love and becoming obsessed with Jennifer. I would imagine by now, that his penis has become inverted and started touching the inside of his appendix and she'll soon have him rolling over and having his belly tickled and cleaning her discharge covered knickers. He's lost it. By week six I predict they'll find him cowering in a wardrobe, thrapping away at his cock like he's playing Daley Thompson's Decathlon, and screaming in a mirror "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you". Seriously Dale, grow some spuds and fuck her off, enjoy yourself, fuck that Sylvia man, she's game as fuck and she's not damaged goods.

Speaking of Sylvia, she's by far the most two faced in the house. Running in between all of the little cliques telling tales and spreading rumours and winding everyone up, she'll not last long. Everyone is starting to suss out that she actually has nothing to offer the house other than bitching and talking in some stupid London/Sierra Leone accent. When she gets out they should put her in some sort of Bad Lads style army assault course to test the incredible combat skills she learnt whilst fighting off the Revolutionary United Front. She couldn't be any more full of shit if she tried.

Dennis is just as boring as I thought he'd be. Another total bitch who comes out with that stereotypical line that bitches come out with, i.e. "If I've got something to say, I'll say it to your face". Fuck off man, we're so bored to death of hearing that bullshit. What do you offer the house? You prance around singing in a stupid voice at the top of your voice, you smoke, and you cry. That's it. That is all you bring to the table. Is that on his fucking CV under hobbies and interest? Singing, smoking and crying? What a shite cunt.

Blind freak, Mikey, was the next one to join us. Fuck me, what the fuck is his wardrobe? Does he just have a trunk full of fancy dress outfits? I'm half expecting to turn on one day and see him dressed as Hitler or as a fat gangster with a plastic Tommy gun. He was on there last night dressed as a cowboy for fucks sake, with a neckerchief on?!? Somebody have a fucking word. He's got the haircut of a Lithuanian exchange student and the dress code of a third world AID's ridden teenager. I wonder if he's in one of those programmes where he gets sent a load of old clothes in a black bin bag like they do in that Ethiopia. He'll be turning out in a 23 year old football shirt next that's five sizes too small for him, it'll be like a fucking belly top on him, with his blind pale belly hanging out the bottom. Wipe the flies off his blind face, give him some fucking flour to munch on, and sit the bow-legged Rickets ridden cunt in the corner. I'd get some glue and stick loads of bits of rice on the carpets me like and tell him it's some sort of special Braille task on the floor and he's got to work out what it says, just leave the cunt in the house all day whilst me and the rest of the housemates went outside to do some able bodied and fully sighted fun activities.

Alexandra, I'm not going to go over old ground again with you. I think we all know the score, don't we? She'll be out on Friday with any luck. I'm not even wasting my time typing. Make the most of your ten seconds of fame when you get out, before you go back to your pathetic life of living in some crummy tower block and flicking your bean to Jeremy Kyle.

Spoilt chef, Rex, came through the doors after the cunt. He seems to be the most straightforward one in there. He's the nemesis of Alex and he cooks everything for them. He'll probably make the final week as they're all too lazy to cook themselves so he'll be kept in just on that basis. The producers will probably introduce a task which takes Rex out of the kitchen to make things more interesting. He's formed a bit of a bond with Mohamed.

Mohamed the fat Muslim, has taken to eating mayonnaise on toast. You horrible, dirty, filthy hack. He's been banging on again about drinking and smoking even though he's a Muslim (again). Is that all your patter consists of? "I smoke, I drink, which is funny as I'm a Muslim". Who gives a flying fuck about you? Who fucking cares man? And those laps that you do round the garden after eating your mayonnaise aren't going to shift that horrific fucking kite you've got swinging around your mid-riff. Smoke some more and stop eating pure filth. I bet he fucking stinks.

Rebecca is a tramp, but she's a bit more of a likable tramp than I'd earlier anticipated. She's like a tramp who has a bit of a skill, like the mouth organ or guitar, or a mangy dog, rather than a tramp who imposes himself on you and breathes meths up your early morning snout. Well, sort of anyhow, apart from her not having a skill or a mangy dog. She doesn't actually seem to have anything about her, she's just some normal lass who gets her tits out when she's had a few, harmless really. Let's put our cards on the table though, she's not going to win, so we may as well kick her out now.

Albino Bond villain, Darnell, seems OK. He's stood his ground against the stroke victim and against Jennifer a couple of times and he does seems genuine enough, even though you wouldn't let him near your children. I'm not suggesting he's a nonce, but he's just a bit scary for kids. People that look like him should just be kept under the stairs or in a back yard kennel. They should just make a big hutch for him and fill it with lots of nice hay for his glossy skin to lie on and just feed him carrots and stuff. I'm surprised he's never joined a circus, actually. He'd make a fortune in a freak show.

Now what can we say about Jennifer? She sort of falls into the same boring category as Rachel, except that she'd definitely do the dirty. Another one of those lasses that pretends they're so high maintenance and they've got morals, when in fact they are as cheap as they come. She's stringing Dale on a bit, but if he gets her pissed enough he'll probably be able to get her fucked. Personally, I don't get the attraction in a lass that resembles Skeletor without the energy draining chains and has the teeth of a Californian crackhead. I'm sure she went into the house with a boyfriend, so she's either a cheating slag or she's playing Dale for a tit, probably both.

And finally, it's the cookie monster. She does actually look like she's lost weight since entering the house. She's still scary and easily the most likely to go mental and kill everyone and the least likely to get fucked. I can imagine her bludgeoning Mikey to death with a packet of Hob Nobs. She's the clear favourite to win. She's also been massaging people. There's absolutely Bob Hope of me letting her sugary lady's fingers come anywhere near my skin, horrible obese bison dog. She'd probably try and tear a chunk out of your shoulder and then sit slavering your blood all over her chin whilst caressing her breasts. She's sick in the head.

So I'll do an update once the nominations are out. Farewell.